12 avril 2007

You Know You're From London When...

En me baladant sur Internet durant mes heures perdues au boulot ces derniers temps, je suis tombé sur un blog qui donnait une liste d'éléments caractérisant le londonien. J'ai alors cherché un peu plus loin et j'ai rassemblé les différents points que j'ai pu trouver. Les voici...

You Know You're From London When...

1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.

2. You have never been to The Tower of London or Madame Tussaud's but love Brighton.

3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherd's Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.

4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.

5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.

6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.

7. You've considered stabbing someone.

8. Your door has more than three locks.

9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.

10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.

11. You consider Kent the "countryside".

12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".

13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".

14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.

15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.

16. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.

17. You actually take fashion seriously.

18. You have 27 different take-away menus next to your telephone.

19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.

20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.

21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.

22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.

23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.

24. You don't hear sirens anymore.

25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air / water quality and what it's doing to your insides.

26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.

27. Your cleaner is Portugese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is Halal, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner is Turkish.

28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.

29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown themselves under a tube / train.

30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work.

31. Your favourite movie has Hugh Grant in it.

32. You know where Karl Marx is buried.

33. You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went camping as a kid.

34. You own hiking boots and a 4WD vehicle, neither of which have ever touched dirt.

35. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since 1977, and when you did, it terrified you.

36. You say 'mate' constantly

37. Anyone not from London is a 'wanker'

38. Somebody speaks to you on the tube and you freak out thinking they are a stalker.

39. You talk in postcodes. "God, it was really warm round SW1 the other day"

40. Being truly alone makes you nervous.

41. You haven't cooked a meal since helping mum last Christmas with the turkey.

42. Anyone from outside London and north of the Watford Gap is a 'Northern Wanker'

43. You have no idea where the North is.

44. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from London.

Certes, il y a pas mal de points qui sont aussi valables pour d'autres capitales mais il faut bien avouer que certains sont tellements vrais et marrants ! Il y a du boulot avant que je sois un vrai londonien cependant car je ne réponds qu'à 5 ou 6 critères...

3 commentaires:

Kadi a dit…

"Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work"

C'est marrant, c'est aussi valable à Paris ou dans les grandes villes, mais avec 20 minutes, c'est devenu un geste quotidien, ça me manque le samedi/dimanche!

je crois que si on s'amusait à faire la même chose pour les parisiens, il y aurait beaucoup plus de critères ;-)

aloua a dit…

tu as oublier:
you punctuate your sentences with "you know" and you almost qualify all the things you talking about"fucking"(of a man) of "soo cuteeeeeee"(of a woman)
Et je suis pas d'accord au concert de the rakes, les petits holloways se sont bien debrouiller sur generator....
Et comment ca se fait que tu fais autant de concert et que
1er)je ne t'aies jamais croiser!!!
2er)tu ne m'as jamais inviter....
3er)tu n'aime pas la musike francaise....!!!!?(cest ki ka gagner finalement les victoire de la musike?)

Fucking french, well you know, this fucking wanker, there soo cuteeeeee in the nature, you know in hyde park!!!!!!:-)

dreamti@hotmail.com si jamais ca t'interesse de pogoter avec une penichlandienne ou de parlotter musike

Vince a dit…

@Kadi: c'est bien possible, les parisiens sont un peuple a part ! (tout comme leur equipe de foot, ahahah...)

@aloua: on se croisera peut-etre bientot !